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[18 Sep 2003|11:55am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sad |
] |
Got a new computer! yay...this one is a Dimension 8300 with a flat panel display.
It was about time. This computer was getting on my nerves! The sad thing is that my pompous 17yr old brother who acts like he has rights to everything is probably the reason that this computer has been acting up for the last few month. What next? Is he going to fuck up my dad's new mp3 player or just fill it with ghetto rap songs when my dad asks him to put country on it? Whatever. Electronics in this house have a strange life...they tend to turn out dysfunctional just like its human counterparts.
Went to Banderas with Garett on tuesday. It was nice since I wasn't even expecting to see him. It turns out he didn't have to work late in the bay area so he came home and fed me :) at one of his favorite restaurants. It reminded me of the place where we went for Kathryn's birthday when we found out that Foreign Cinema was closed for a private party...
The food was ever so yummy and they have cornbread with jalapenos served in a skillet that is to die for! Too bad he lost his wallet a few months ago because he was only able to sit and watch me drink! hehe.
I no longer have a splint on my leg which means that I will be able to wear socks or even shoes (as long as I don't expect to actually use them). This part of my doctor's visit was nice but the rest wasn't really what I wanted to hear. I was told that I can start on the stationary bicycle and that I can paddle around in a pool but that that is all I can do for at least a month! And this is with no resistance and for 5 min only!
The bone is starting to set a callous down and when asked the doctor said that the alignment will never be right on the fibula. The Tibia, which has the plate, is barely starting to heal and when asked "so exactly how many pieces did my tibia break into?" he replied "oohhh...lots of 'em" which turns out to be around 8 I assume by the way the x-rays look.
All in all I am glad that it doesn't hurt much and that I have other body parts in tact. Aside from that I am having a hard time since I can only be told "we hope it heals" not something more reassuring...I guess I have to count my blessings.
Bye bye to Italy for now,
Bye bye to walking in a month,
Bye bye to getting the hell out of here!
Time heals all
(I hope)
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[03 Sep 2003|01:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
Gina and Josh are engaged! It had been so long since I had seen them, yet when I did it felt like no time at all had passed.
Josh just bought a house and Gina is going to UCSB in a week...everyone gives Josh 6 months before he goes there after her. I think that they will be fine and I believe that they are doing the right thing in waiting until she's done with her schooling before getting married.
Garett liked them too. I thought he would. When he was out smoking Gina said that it was about time for me to find somebody like him. Someone that makes me happy and that is as much of a spastic freak as I am!
I know that I will get an earfull for thinking this but I think that I might just go to Italy as planned and then keep going from there. I know that I would have a wonderful time and I also know that I do not want regret to be haunting me in my old age. The main problem is that I am not sure about my schooling. I don't want to take another break so maybe I will just go at 50% and spend the majority of the time traveling...this being my other passion...
I don't know. Garett and I are trying to see what would be best for us. He wants me to finish school and he also wants us to see the world together. I want both. I want him above all.
|
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| 10 to come |
[30 Aug 2003|11:56am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
I spent 10 hours in the emergency room yesterday. It was anything
but fun, and the procedures that needed to be done took
forever. They should rename that unit since the service isn't
really anything but painstakingly slow.
I have been having chest pain, especially on the left side,
for about 4 days and the severity of it made me finally call
for an appointment. The call I got back turned out not to
be one informing me of a time to go in but rather with an urgent
demand that I go into the ER die to the fact that I could
have a blood clot in my lung (which could go to my heart and = instant death)
NOT FUN.
So I went and had an EKG and Blood tests and chest X-rays and a CAT scan...
The CAT scan was done after the blood test came back positive for clotting
in my blood but once the results from the scan were analyzed and
nothing was found I was released at around 1am. Thank _____
I don't have a clot but rather bruised ribs and my leg is fine...
I should be ok. Not near death. Fun way to spend my friday :)
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| not today |
[24 Aug 2003|10:30am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 disappointed |
] |
Dear Marianna,
Here is your horoscope
for Sunday, August 24:
You have to laugh as the
inconveniences pile up. You're
obviously trying to force
a moving picture into a rigid
frame. It's time to decide
whether you want a new logic or
no logic at all.
Now doesn't that sound like the truth!
Burningman seems oficially out the window
which means that I have to make due with
what I have. This also means that I have
to try to make plans with Garett so that
I can get out of the house...
Tahoe or SF sound like two options that I
am willing to take.
Yesterday Sara called and asked if I wanted
to go to Calaveras Domes which is off towards
Yosemite. The fact that Garett was out climbing
and I was stuck at home made the offer sound
more than just a but appealing. She and Robert
picked me up and folded my battered self into
their Accord. As it turned out it was their 1.5
year wedding anniversary and they had chosen
to invite me on their little Saturday afternoon
trip!
We headed out and picked up plenty of food and
drinks. I even got the chance to use one of those
electric shopping carts! The drive up to the domes
was amazing and the scenery was breathtaking.
We saw granite basins and waterfalls and gigantic
chunks of rocks made up of vertical walls and subtle
slopes. When we arrived at the site it turned out
that we were at the same place Garett and Matt
were climbing. No sooner had we parked and
yelled "G-Funk-a-Relish" and "Matt-a-shizm" did they
respond and come down...
Hmmm...what a nice surprise!
We then continued nursing our drinks...went to the damn...
were showed the rock that they had climbed, and
taken to the waterfalls and basins (me being carried
up a trail so that I could sit on the edge and watch some
of them swim).We had dinner in Jackson and then eventually
made it home.
It was a wonderful day. I think that going out like that
makes it easier for me to cut my losses when it comes
to Burninman and missing out on all the other major
plans that I had had for this month.
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| mental |
[23 Aug 2003|01:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
still complacent |
] |
Finally! posting those pics was a pain in the ass! who knows
why...maybe this time they will stay there!!
Last night I slept like a baby. This was probably becuse I
didn't sleep more than 3 hours the night before. Garett
stayed here with me and we watched the lightening storm.
He left late and then came back early on in the day...
too bad he parked at the house and then crept through my
window instead of knocking on my door. He was found out and
my mom thought he spent the night...
He might as well have. That way it would have been worth the hassle
that my mom has been giving me.
Today he is going to Calaveras and climbing some wall...
who knows...I won't be able to climb any walls anytime soon.
Too bad, he'll have to share this passion with me after my
leg heals and I can walk again...
It might turn out that I won't be doing anything "high risk"
anytime soon due to this injury.
Aside from all that, Dolly and I are friends....or rather we made up!
la la la lala la *uncontrolable grin*
Burning man may not happen but I am still trying to be
optimistic about it. Maybe I will be able to go for the
burn...or maybe I will go for the week...
my main concern is that I still have an open wound
and that means that it is vulnerable to infection which
could end up with me loosing my leg! No thanks!!!
I still have to make sure that it would be a risk for me
to go. I mean...there is a med tent and the playa is an
alkali flat...sterile...
Fuck, I hope I can go.
If not then next year.
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[20 Aug 2003|10:05am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 thoughtful |
] |
Quick rant- Love mike to death but he needs to stop all of his passive-aggressive phone talking bullshit because it just makes me want to scream or provoke him! I hate all of that "you know what I mean..." "do you understand what I'm saying...?" which usually follows a stream of incomprehensible babbling which wears my patience down in less than 5 seconds!
Mmmmmm...I still smell like him :) Yummy!
Even while gimpy I can have some fun. Yesterday he admitted
his frustration about my leg and how pissed off he is that
he is responsible (mostly) for it in the first place...
he whom has never broken a bone, who has rolled countless
vehicles and slammed into the face of a rock wall after falling
over 50 feet...
What can you do when fate puts these obstacles in your path? Nothing!
Today's news:
The Middle East: More bombing and killing of Jews and Muslims in
Baghdad and Israel...
New federal anti-terrorism laws will bar UCDavis from notifying the public
if pathogens are stolen from its proposed biolab unless authorized by state
and federal officials. The biolab isn't allowed to built off campus and will
consist of a high-security infectious-diseases laboratory. The Mayor of Davis
states that she does not like the idea of the federal government having rights
to take over the lab when it feels the need to and she also feels that the
lab should be placed in a military setting, not on campus.
What many fail to understand is that Biolabs such as the one proposed are
state of the art and that millions, specifically $200 million, are put
into such a project to assure the public and researchers that the lab
is safe and that the chances of destructive pathogens, such as Ebola and Valley
fever, entering the community are practically nil.
Californians get Ridicule and not Respect: being a Californian, I see how
stereotypes are more than abundant when it comes to living in California.
An article in today's newspaper was stating how the government treated
the California energy crisis vs how they are treating the NYC etc. blackouts.
Californians were seen as spoiled and even deserving of the crisis...
In the nation's eyes the residents of California are seen as "America's
glamorous playboy cousin; ditsy, trend-struck, and narcissistic. The life
of the party and always good for a laugh." These descriptions are then
followed by how the nation viewed New Yorkers during the blackouts, which
was as "calm and plucky in the face of calamity."
Now how true is that? Probably very far from it! The President puts together a
speech to show support and give comfort to the affected cities yet turns the other
cheek to California because "we're just spoiled" and "what's a little corruption
among friends?" (the president being, or having been, good friends with many Enron executives).
Hmmm....makes you think about how faulty human nature is...how corrupt and
warped people can be.
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| gimpy for a while |
[12 Aug 2003|12:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 listless |
] |
I just spent the last 20 min trying to email
some people about my current state so I am pretty
tired...so what I am saying is that this post will
not be as long and detailed as I had hoped.
I am currently attempting to type while on
oxycontin and vicodin and keflex. This cocktail is
not for kicks but rather for the compound fracture
that I suffered last Thursday. My right leg
is splinted and has a metal plate, 8 screws,
15 staples, and a 2cm hole where the bone came
out...Aside from this, all is well and I am
in good spirits. I have no other injuries and
have the luck of having a wonderful support group
(aka family & friends) that has been taking
care of me. I won't be walking for about 2 months
which means that I won't be moving far away anytime
soon! Oh well...shit happens ;)
for now that is all I can come up with since it is
rather difficult to type at the moment...
oh! and since I am now a cripple I will probably
be posting more which will make Kat happy since I
have strayed from my comp nerd phase...
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| not so simple |
[28 Jul 2003|02:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 frustrated |
] |
Things will never be simple...and if they someday are I will probably be so
confused at the simplicity that I will wish I never knew differently.
My plans to isolate myself have become the "soap opera of the year".
I now have at least 6 people that want to move with me, upset parents,
offers to go to Italy from my friend Enrico, and school papers to fill out
so that I don't lose my UCD asmission...
Aside from that I need to see what the best option for me. Make a list.
Will have to continue later...computer is on crack!
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|
[23 Jul 2003|05:02pm] |
You're a Diamond. You seem like a cold and an
unreachable person outside, yet you are
beautiful inside and outside. You may be
stubborn at times. You act with grace and
elegance and you are a precious asset to all
your friends.
What Jewel Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
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[23 Jul 2003|03:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drained |
] |
I'm just going to keep on with the theft of a certain
"get to know me" quiz/questionnaire...or whatever the hell these are called...
5 things I am afraid of:
- life being a great big joke
- burning or drowning to death
- finding out that we as a specias really ARE important
in the grand scheme of things
- finding out (as a solid fact) my mental state
- losing my self control
5 things that make me laugh:
- the random ways in which my friends often act
- being stared at when caught acting strangely
- Dolly and Kathryn
- dark comedies...usually
- the way most people react to life's injustices
(this last one included me and probably sounds weird,
but isn't to imply that I am a cold-hearted bitch)
5 things that make me cry:
- Anger
- Humanity as a whole
- The unnecessary suffering of most people
- Feeling like there really is no point in living,
and that I don't feel like that because of my actions.
- The miraculously beautiful things that this earth
is home to.
5 people I love (not including family or relationship matters):
- they know who they are
- so there
- is no need
- to list
- them
5 things I love:
- learning
- food: preparation & social meaning
- traveling
- knowing that there are good people out there
- all forms of art
5 things i don't understand:
- our species
- how people worry about the most trivial things
- Fanaticism
- religious wars...in the end the basic message is always the same
- why I am always cold yet apparently have a high
metabolism
5 things in the room i'm in now:
- my 2 sleeping brothers
- a huge noisy tv
- my right leg skillfully propped on the comp desk
- a glass of ice water
- my grandmother's wedding picture
5 facts about me (stuff people might not know):
- That I am a big eater (many doubt this)
- That I am rather conservative...but in strange ways
- I am not fake: who I present is who I am (this could be dangerous
for me in the long run!)
- That I really DO have feelings and care about people
- That I really don't mean to brush people off when they
call or I don't call them back; I just don't like phones...
5 things i'd like to do before i die:
- graduate with my medical degree
- work on myself as a person and reestablish my goals
(hence me moving away on a "retreat")
- visit as much of the world as possible
- do my best to help those less fortunate than myself
- achieve something that makes life worth it
5 female sources of inspiration (in no particular order):
- Margaret Atwood
- my mom Seriously, I am really trying with the
- Celia (my grandma) "inspiration questions"...maybe specific
- Laetitia Casta people just don't inspire me...
- all those women that have bent the rules to do
what they felt was their right or their duty.
5 male sources of inspiration:
- my dad
- Galen O'Connell
-
-
-
5 musicians/groups i love:
Are types of music ok too??
- All the Putumayo CDs
- Type O Negative
- Tool
- Most classical/ mathematical musicians
- Tori Amos
For all of those worried about my sudden change of plans, here is the deal:
I am not leaving to "escape" anything. I am moving to reestablish my goals and
plans for the future and I am attempting to use the move as a kind
of spiritual retreat. I know that I am moving to a counrty that isn't 1st world.
It is unlike the USA in that it isn't as safe or as fair. It isn't
the same type of lifestyle that I'm used to and that is WHY I want to go there.
I want to retreat from the life I know and see what most of the other
people that exist on this planet live like. Cabo San Lucas is known for
its tourism and is seen as a nice party place, but that is NOT why I chose it.
As Kathryn can has said once having been there "it is a different world,
I couldn't live there". If I have any help from my family (which I am doubting will
happen because of their standpoint in regards to my choice of location)
then I will see what I do have to work with and do accordingly. I would ideally
move there because it IS relatively safe for an American female going alone
(or not if Jim decides to move away from his "business" in Sac and make my parents
have a better mindset since I "wouldn't be alone" technically. Why Jim? Because he is an
Am. male that looks normal and isn't anyone that I am really close to aka he'd leave me alone),
it is closer than Europe etc., it has a regular influx of American/European tourists,
and it is a culture that I have had some experience with. There is also the fact that it is a town
made up of only 150,000 people and that I can be left alone if I want to. A hermit.
Also, the town is self-sufficient in that (unlike Tahoe) you never really have to
leave it to get all that you need. The only thing that you would really need
to leave for is the Airport that's 1/2hr away. The nearest city is 3hrs away. I can
explain more to those that ask, but for now I hope I have clarified a few things.
Oh, and if I have my car but don't have any other help then I can drive my
ass down there and stay with a family I met...or if I don't have my car I can
save for an airplane ticket and figure the rest out from there...
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| must read books |
[18 Jul 2003|07:31pm] |
Whose philosophical views do I most share?
1. Nietzsche (100%)
here's a bit about him:
*We have free will
*There is no God
*Social conformity should not hold us back
*The interests of others should not restrain us
*We should be passionate beings
*Masculinity, strength and passion are the highest qualities in a person
*Conventional morality is a crutch to man
2. David Hume (92%)
3. Stoics (83%)
4. Spinoza (78%)
5. Cynics (72%)
6. Jean-Paul Sartre (70%)
7. Nel Noddings (70%)
8. Aristotle (68%)
9. Epicureans (68%)
10. Thomas Hobbes (60%)
11. Aquinas (60%)
12. Kant (56%)
13. John Stuart Mill (52%)
14. Ockham (50%)
15. Ayn Rand (46%)
16. St. Augustine (45%)
17. Jeremy Bentham (35%)
18. Prescriptivism (27%)
19. Plato (21%)
That's all I wanted to add...
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|
| Returning to Hell & Wanting Paradise |
[18 Jul 2003|06:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 determined |
] |
It's been only a day and I wish I were away again.
I have been looking at Cabo real estate and rental properties
and have only found luxurious vacation rentals, nothing
permanent. I have contacted a couple from Sacramento (my home town)
that now lives down there and hope that they have
some advice for me...
I think that this last trip was just "the straw that broke the
camel's back" because I am home and despise being here.
I have yet to call anyone, wish only to be left alone, want
nothing to do with the life I have led in Sac over the last
21yrs except for the precious (but few) friends that are still here...
I think that my lack of direction and enthusiasm over the last few
years has had to do with my now broadening knowledge of my family's
priorities and life's expectations...many, if not all, of which I
disagree with.
Scene
Phone Rings: hiiiiii *syrupy voice* how are you....what are you doing...
have you eaten....how are you feeling? Should I still call [him]?
Is it too late...should I wait....how about tomorrow or what about Sunday night?
Me: fine.*curtly* why are you calling before you called him? They're not
home yet...I'm busy.
can y'all guess who that was? M or M? dom or sub? all in all I would just say
a fucking pain in my ass!! Without the drugs I don't see the point...or have the patience...
On to more important things...I finally saw "Gangs of New York" (note to friends: I own it now so don't go spend money on renting it) and liked it very much. Scorsese at his best, Daniel Day-Lewis still beautiful, and Leo DiCaprio no longer fat and back to decent acting!
Hell? why? "the trail of slime leaks behind it....tan tan tan!!!!...is swept to safety by the current..." Fucking A! "territorial lobsters" and "drag racing snails"!!!! That is what my older brother just HAD to see...
Shoot me, now :|
Please.
Back to happier thoughts. I was also trying to see how I would move and what I
would need and take and how much money I would need to live by each month.
(Note to Ramon: don't be afraid, I just see a lot of possibilities for a
lot of things)
I think that I could "rough it" at least in regards to my life now, and
that in doing so I would probably clear my mind and regain some focus on what I
really want, not what others want for me!
Too much Drama...or as Mary J Blige says (and won an award for)"No More Drama"
That is the thing I must change. I know that I would miss the ones I truly love
and that I would return. Be it in months or years or weeks ;)
hmmm....now what would I need for moving 800 or so miles south?
*my Jeep & Dad following in that mo-fo
of a truck that we have (if not then a trailer)
*my bed or the the guest bed downstairs
*take my dad's unused laptop and actually use it!
*clothes
*dvd's and music
*one of the damned tv's found in this house
just as long as I can use it for dvd's....
hmmmm, or scratch the tv if the computer
can play movies...mwahahha
*food and costco staples for living
*sheets and towels
*a few decorations/pictures
*pillows, fuck furniture
*sunscreen, lotion, meds, etc...still need to be hygienic and
girly, even in a paradise that would be considered minimalistic
to my current life.
*optimism & future sanity in mind
*cook books and cooking utensils
*art supplies
*books, books, and MORE BOOKS!!!!
*money for what I will need and can't take
*possible job waiting for me (if I
need one *wishful thinking*)
that about covers it. Planning and going to
Burningman seems to be more of an effort than just
driving my ass down Baja for a few months or years...
Now how to make it happen?
I guess I will just wait until my dad gets home
tomorrow and lay out the plan since he was the one
who mentioned the purchasing of land etc. in Cabo San
Lucas. Maybe I can make it all happen faster...and convince
him to let his little princes to retreat down south for her
sanity and for the sake of maintaining the house!
I'll be good,
*evil grin*
I promise...
here's to actually writing my thoughts down again
and not fading into the woodwork
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|
[30 Mar 2003|10:57am] |
Give to you - Only so you'll believe
And my desire, I'm dead without your rush and pull
Hard to forget, it numbs the soul
I need to know.
Relishes fear that you wear so well it leaves me colder
Hating this thing.
I always see...
I'm always saying something.
I always said...
It's not the end of something.
I'll stand alone.
I never meant to hurt you...I always do
It makes no sense...
But you forget, this time it's clear
To you I'm here but your love's the same and
intent aside we're night and day.
Still you forget how it numbs the soul. I need to know
only with you that I keep myself from all I know
Hating this thing.
I always see...
I'm always saying something
I always said...
It's not the end of something
I'll stand alone...I never meant to hurt you...I always do
It makes no sense what I do.
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|
[14 Feb 2003|10:25pm] |
I think I lost it all.
myself.
|
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[26 Jan 2003|10:21pm] |
Haven't checked in on people through lack of time and inclination.
The last 2 days have been hell. Making cookies for my brother and all
of a sudden I get a terrible abdominal pain that I thought would pass...
Feel like someone shot me in the stomach. No sleep. Bad company for Mike.
Wake up and go home. no sympathy from parents...
Feeling in belly gets worse. Moves lower. In desperation I call my grandfather
and he gives me Donnatol and Vicodin...maybe pms but I've never had that so why
start now!? Take one and the pain goes from a level 10 to a level 8. Can barely
breathe...hotpads and tea don't help...cogarettes and a shot of Orujo don't help.
Take another vicodin...feel better. Fucked up. Nightmares. Sleep on the couch so I
don't trip on my way to the bathroom in case I have to spill my guts out.
Wake up nauseated and with "rebound" or eyes that dilate and then constrict only
to dilate again when a light is turned on. Not a good sign.
Miss Dave's birthday bash and meeting Greg again. Miss seeing Josette and the girls.
Fucking pain and there is no tomorrow. no sympathy...
Head aches and I feel weird. Need to find out what is wrong.
Donnatol is made of Belladonna and is for gastrointestinal tract problems. I didn't
take it yet but I hear Belladonna make you trip out. I don't want o trip out right now and I
have a vial full. I was only given 5 vicodins...I think the other are more serious.
School tomorrow and confused. I feel that Mike is mad at me and that I shouldn't have
gone drinking today since I feel rather shitty still. It was a late birthday present.
Guilty and fickle.
Sinner.
If only I could have someone smack some sense into me :(
Girls: call and tell me what you think. Honestly.
Eric too.
I'm confused. Have done nothing wrong. Yet.
I'm sorry Dave. I want to go out. Maybe the Fates have it against
me. I can never go out now that I am legal...nothing wants to work.
No more. Shit. I'm done for now...drunk too...
|
|
| Is My Heart Still Breaking? |
[20 Jan 2003|11:33am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
It's been months. Almost too long to count and yet
I find that I still sadden in his presence. I
feel that we are somehow a part of each other.
Regardless of the bad times, his selfishness, and
his inability to relate...
I still miss him.
Maybe I'm just crazy. I am pretty sure that he is.
Yesterday I realized that of all the things we had
I miss his hands and his height. His smile.
His eyes are now a pale blue.
I know that I shouldn't feel this. After all I am
the one that ended things. The one that broke him.
I saw the hurt in his eyes for a year and just
now is he getting better. Trying to deal.
I still want.
So does he.
He finally tried to see someone else and that
didn't work. "not worth it" he said.
Musette and Drums.
I am no longer his first and only, but I am
still what he wants, He said so last night.
I wish things were easy. Love should be simple.
People should not get hurt and unfortunately we always
seem to hurt those we love the most.
Maybe I AM fickle. It's been said, and sometimes
I believe it.
I want too much. I want too many.
Always and Forever.
I don't want to hurt.
Doubtfully things will change. Decisions were made
for a reason yet I feel that maybe I was
a bit hasty in making them. I made up my
mind and didn't budge.
Happiness still eludes me.
Chris was right when he told him:
"Marianna does what she wants"
He never knew I dated Chris...
We talked and went to the bookstore.
That is it but I still feel like I have
been unfaithful. I don't know if I know
how not to be. I feel that I should not be
limited to one.
One love.
One "special person"
Selfishness isn't the reason. I just feel that
if you have enough love for many then give it
out and make them all feel special.
If I can't do this then I may never settle. Never
Marry. Never have children or have them by
the different people that I love.
Keep them close through their offspring.
Not expect anything from them in return.
Not commit them to my life.
Maybe I'm just confused and miserable.
Crazy and unconventional.
Only time will tell.
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[15 Jan 2003|08:42am] |
Eric has a journal! Eric has a journal!!!
You should check him out...![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8) samkarr44
he's one of my bestest friends
that now lives in Humboldt.
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[15 Jan 2003|08:05am] |
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5am and I am up and about. My body is aching to return to those
8hour walks and busy days...
I fall asleep early now that I'm back and wake up at the most ungodly hours.
3am...only to watch "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" (awsome movie)
5am only to start reading and make breakfast for my family. Fresh juice,
biscuits, coffee...the works.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!!!
I'm not a morning person yet here I am waking up and wandering during the early hours of the day.
Now that I have done something outwardly "wrong" according to my mom I feel that I am no longer welcomed in my house. I know that I am probably exaggerating but I know that things have been weird for the last few days. I miss being alone or just away and I am once again fighting the urge to just uproot myself and leave and never come back. I truly think that I would not miss a thing here in sac. I know that I would want a few people to go with me but otherwise I think that I would be fine. I wouldn't miss a thing.
Maybe this is just me adjusting to my return. I've never had jet-lag so I don't know why I'd start now...
Insight:I believe that with age I loose my patience. I may only be 21 but I know that I am less tolerant and patient than I was when I was younger. I am tired of people and their passive-submissive bullshit. And Mike, don't put yourself in this category...
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complacent
